Yesterday was the first of december, this day exactly, one year ago my ex girlfriend broke up with me.

This text wont be an ex bashing. Even if she broke up in a violating unhuman way, I am thankfull for the good times and I am thankfull that she took this decision.
This text will be about a year of choices.

We were a couple for nearly eight years. So it was at the beginning of the year 2018 and I was standing there, alone.  Of course with a huge hole in my life, asking myself what should i do with this hole?

I could have wish her back and try to fill the hole with the imagination of being together with her again.
I could have tried to build empty mountains over the hole, of a massive amount of superficial relationships to many different people.

And what did I do? Nothing.
I just accepted the hole and all the harming emotions related to this hole. I went on journey through myself. I explored the hole, tried to figure out what exactly is missing to fill it with exact this.

I won’t say that my year 2018 was an year of highlife. Just step by step, with a lot of work, patience and persistance, I tried to get emotional clean and to collect all the missing pieces to fill the hole. Ignoring all kinds of easy recognition and distraction. To create a solid fundament on which i can build my future life.

And what else happened on that journey?
I’ve spent time with myself and learned more about me than ever. I’ve found places deep inside myself that I never thought existed. I figured out that these places in this hole no one and nothing will ever be able to fill.
And only I am able to fill these places by myself, maybe someday in the future.

I am thankfull to this occasion of breaking up with me and bringing me on the path of being a much more self aware human. Honestly i don’t know if I am luckier today than one year ago, but I know more about myself. And for sure I will be healthier and happier at the end of this journey.

Moral of the story?
The one door was closed, but many doors were opened. The story doesn’t have an happy end yet, but now there are numerous possibilities of happy endings. A Year ago there was only one tragic end in view.

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02.12.2018

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